I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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