Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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