I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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