The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
