Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
