oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
