It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
