My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize