nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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