he thought i was a dude.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
