Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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