Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
