Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
