i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
