Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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