Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
