I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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