i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
