ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
