i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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