I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
