I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
