I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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