I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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