It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
