I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
