this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I touched a dick in church today
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
