Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
