My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
