I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
this just has baby written all over it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
