remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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