3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i out mim tonsoeep
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