you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
