i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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