Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's shark week go big or go home
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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