It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
