She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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