I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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