I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
