Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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