If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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