i used baking grease as lip gloss
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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