The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My dick has a subreddit
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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