so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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