Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
