I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
