Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
