i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
