Moan for me like Helen Keller
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
