true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize