i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Still dying that you shit outside
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
