I wish they made helmets for livers.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my liver is dry heaving
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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