Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
