do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
