im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
