I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize