I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
