The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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