i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
