I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
