well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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