I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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