Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
where does the pee come out of this thing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
