tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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