My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
